A Reflection On Body Image and Time Spent in Heart-Shaped Pool Floats

Is there anything better than sitting in a heart-shaped pool float at a gorgeous Airbnb in Palm Springs? I’m going to admit something to you, though. I almost deleted this photo from my camera roll. When I first looked at it, all I saw were my flaws. The rolls on my stomach, my bigger arms, my larger hips. I was afraid to put this photo out there because of what I saw.

But then I thought about it more, and realized I should change my perspective. These aren’t flaws. This is who I am. This is how I look. No, I’m not a size 2. I never was, because of my curves — but these days, I hover somewhere between a 12-14 depending on the brand and the item. I’ve been known to wear a L, an XL or even a 1X. And you know what? That’s not only okay, that’s PERFECT. Because that’s me.

Should I probably eat a few less bagels and a few more eggs for breakfast? Sure. Should I skip the chips once in awhile? Why not. Should I work out, like, EVER? Probably. But am I going to give up the things I love just to get down to a size 6? Nope.

Because here’s the thing. In my 20s, I was a size 6. Actually, I was really a size 4, since this was a Ralph Lauren 6. And I wasn’t healthy. I ate, but barely — I worked in high fashion then, and I called it the “fashion diet.” I worked out excessively. I may have been skinnier, but I also had migraines every single day as a result. I looked good, sure. But I wasn’t HEALTHY. And I also wasn’t happy.

And now? I might be 40 pounds heavier than I was at 25. Maybe I should lose 20 of those. But if I don’t? Who cares, really. Because I’m actually happy these days — and migraine free!

All of this is to say, I know we look at photos of ourselves and tend to only see the “bad” things. But I think it’s time to try and change our perspective. And maybe, just maybe, to eat a little more cake.

Swimsuit: Infamous Swim Candice One Piece
Sunglasses: Castle Crystals Heartbreaker Sunnies
Float: Ban.do Beach Please! Jumbo Heart Innertube in Glitterbomb Pink
Location: Mod Mirror Villa